Light thru the Darkness

When I retired way back 2011, well actually I was forced to retire. My health was deteriorating real fast. When I say fast, I mean getting confined in the hospital every month for a week (at times even more), being a candidate for blood transfusion 2x a month, going into PT for atleast 2 months every now & then, need I go on ? So my health was terrible, but my job sucks even more. 

I dedicated 20 years to the banking industry and where did it get me? No where SOB SOB SOB I got the “Manager” title yes but I don’t have a house of my own, I had to return my car cause we can’t make mortgage anymore and my life savings . . . what life savings ? ZERO. It was high time for me to switch places with my husband BEN. This time he’s the “banker” in the family while I am finally the Home maker. Don’t get me wrong guys, IT WAS A DREAM COME TRUE ! 

I wanted to stop working for some time, with the hospitalization and the endless quotas, meetings, hospitalization again. My medication was “numerous” giving me countless complications which needs more medications. It was like a never ending vicious cycle of pain and hardship PLUS I have to drive to work for 2 to 3 hours. We got to the point that I couldn’t drive anymore, my husband and 2 year old daughter had to bring me & fetch me from work. I survived “almost” stage 1 of breast cancer the year 2008 but what’s killing me is the non-stop bleeding. Unlike most menstrual cycles, mine is every 22 to 25 days. And it’s not the normal “drips”, it’s like gallons & gallons of blood THUS the 2x a month need for blood transfusion. My hemoglobin would drop to 40 or 60, severe anemia said my doctor.  As if this is not bad enough, it is accompanied by excruciating pain, imagine going into labor 24/7 the whole time am bleeding myself dry. More medications – More complications – More medications so on. 

So my health was going from bad to worse then comes the “problem at work”. Let’s just say I didn’t get any retirement PERIOD. In my mind I thought “this is the Lord’s way of making me stop working”. I can still get a job, just not with banks – get my drift ? 

On the lighter side, since I retired, my daughter Benz who was then 6 years old can finally start school. It was my dream to be with her when she finally started school. I wanted to give her the assurance that everything will be alright, that I will be just outside waiting for her, that no one can hurt her – “mommy is just here sweetheart”. After 6 years, I can finally be a “mother” to my baby. I am no longer the absentee, too tired, too busy & too sick mom she has to put up with. I am finally HER mommy.